How To...

(Unexpectedly) Fall in Love and Stay There. 


1) Be in the right place

Of course, you have to be around to give someone the chance to fall in love with you! But where?
Well, life is all about choices and that's up to you my friend.
To an extent, you can choose where you can go and what you want to do. That's the easy part, but the rest of it? What's left, in my opinion, is the endless fate/coincidence conundrum. 

I romantically choose to believe that it must all be tied down to fateful coincidences, (I still can't make up my mind about this), particularly with those massive decisions that you have to make: like moving to a new location or a new job to take.
To me, there just has to be some great force out there- bringing you closer to that person you're meant to be with. Sure, that's just the first part, being in the right place, but once you've found that person that you've connected with...? Continue on.

1.5)  Timing/Patience

Probably as equally important as the first point there, the right timing. 
You're at the right place now and there's someone that you have an eye on, you have that familiar feeling again... But should you just run in and go for it? 
The answer:- "only fools rush in". 
So, no.
Take it easy mate.

Spend some time to get to know this potential love interest, date, be friends first, whichever way you're both comfortable with and long before you know it... 


2). The Next Step

I've deliberately left this a little ambiguous. Whatever the "Next Step" means for you, it may be different for somebody else, but it will involve getting to know this person better on a deeper level - emotionally/physically and through it, a chance to gain their trust and for you to develop the relationship.

Still all good?
Proceed.

3). Fall In Love.

There is no time limit on how soon you will fall in love. Perhaps a small portion of the time, you'll be inertly denying the fact that you're in love. See: "How To... Know If You Are Falling In Love". And after you come to terms with it and your love is reciprocated, then simply dwell in it and give love back.

4). Stay in Love 

Alas, the so-called "Honeymoon Period" has worn off, you now know all their flaws and perfections, you love them to the moon and back. But what now? 
This is something I'm aware of and working on for my own relationship too:  Trying not to take the other person for granted.
It's so easy to fall in love, but staying in love, keeping it at the peak- this is where I guess people stop trying. 

I suppose it's because it takes a lot of effort, for both parties to keep it up. Sometimes, other things in life will crop up and take your time, sometimes more fun propositions may come along. 
But at the end of the day, you have to decide: What or, rather, who is important to you? 
Be honest with yourself and each other.

4.5). Hitting a Hitch

OK, all couples fight. No denying that. But learn to fight in a constructive way if possible. Try not to throw hurtful words at each other in the aim of scoring points, bringing back past subjects and fighting dirty/physically.
Come on mate.
It doesn't help.

Take deep breaths and try not to raise your voice. Try and be logical and reasonable and explaining why you feel that way and offer resolutions. 

I recently heard some advice: "when fighting, act as if you are being recorded as this might stop you from saying unnecessary hurtful things." After all, you can't take it back afterwards...

In the same vein, apologise when you're wrong. Love has no pride.

5). Happily Ever After...? 

I realise that I've been sounding rather 'preachy' throughout this post. Not that I can talk, judging on my relationship pasts, but these are things I've picked up along the way that I'd like to share with my faithful followers...(Yes. Those who are given a dubious link to my blog post and a threatening message). 
But what I can honestly say, is this: Go with your gut instincts and be brave and honest about your feelings. Don't regret.

I recently watched "Perks of Being A Wallflower" and there's this quote:
"We accept the love we think we deserve" - Steven Chbosky.

And let me tell you this: we all deserve love that makes us feel, *ahem* loved, happy and secure. You might not feel like you're there yet, or that it hasn't happened to you at all. But please, never give up hope and never compare your life to someone else's.
One day, it will just happen and when you very least, expect it.

Love,