Love Letter

Dear future husband,

I don’t believe we’ve met yet, perhaps we have and I don’t know at this time... but for this scenario, let’s pretend we don’t know each other. 

I’m currently 28 and (im)patiently waiting for your arrival. I wonder about how and where we’ll meet, but I’m sure that when we do, we’ll re-tell it for years to come. 

I’m working on a few things at the moment, trying to keep busy until you come for me (that’s what she said), so hopefully by the time you meet me...:

I’ll have passed my driving test -another mode of transport for me and all the better for me to come and see you, my dear. 

I’ll be better at tae-kwon-do- all the better to protect and defend you, my dear. 

I’ll be salsa-ing away - all the better practice for our awesome first dance, my dear. 

You should know, that I have a lot of love to give- I have just been waiting for the right person to come into my life. I do hope you’ll hurry along soon, because I can’t wait to get started on my next chapter. 

In the meanwhile, I’ll be here... 

I can’t wait to meet you

Love, 

A Story...

A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her.
The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed. The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.
That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn’t sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.

Moral of the story:
If you don’t give your hundred percent in a relationship, you’ll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent...This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully.

Easy to say, hard to do! - What do you think?
Love,

How To...

Live Again (after a break-up).

So things didn't turn out the way you were hoping.
That person wasn't who you thought they were.
You've broken up and now feel lonely, lost (and betrayed).
And although it feels as if you are completely and utterly alone, isolated in all your heart break and hurt... If it helps, you aren't the only one. 

Let's go through this together.

Introducing "the Five Stages of Loss and Grief" by Kubler-Ross. Although it was originally intended to be used towards the subject of death/dying, it can be applied to almost any situation. 

In this case we will use it to heal ourselves after a break up.

Now follow me on this, these thoughts may have run through your head at some point;

1). Denial: "There's no possible effin way that happened... Did it? Maybe I'm imagining it..."

2). Anger: "I'm gonna kill that mo-fo a**hole!!" 

3). Bargaining: "Maybe if I change then..."
 

4). Depression: "My life is over. What's the point of living without love...?"

5). Acceptance: "Ok... Dodged a bullet there, it's time to get out of this funk". 

I think it's important to note that there is no particular time line specified for each stage. Some may spend longer dwelling over one point, than other people and that's perfectly OK. We all need time to heal. However, I advise that you surround yourself with people who actually do love and care about you to help you move on. 

Taking into account that this was meant to help counsel those left behind by their loved ones... I found this tagline that came along with it:

"Because Love never dies."

So don't give up! Let love live on! 

Love, 

How To...

Know When It's All Over.

Sometimes, it's the people who you love the most, who can cause you the most damage and hurt. 
- Why?
Because you gave your heart to them and trusted them not to break it... But it can happen. Whether they intentionally crushed it, slowly and painfully or, they've dropped your heart so quickly, so that it shatters everywhere...

It just doesn't feel the same anymore and you're left holding the pieces of your broken heart.

But how do you know when it's time to move on, or hold on?

 
Move On

If they show you or tell you that they no longer love you.
-Isn't that obvious? Time to go. You can't force someone to love you.

If you both don't have the same goals anymore and neither of you want to compromise.
-What's the future for you both? Would you be happy to stay in that same situation? What's important to you?

If they no longer respect you, e.g. they've cheated or treated you horribly, etc
-Just get out of it. You deserve better.

If you can't forgive them
-Maybe they've done something that you can never let go of, or they've commited one of the ultimate deal breakers.

Holding on.

You both want to make it work
-You both agree to forgive and forget and to put effort into restoring the relationship.

 You're both still in love with each other
-Utterly so, that you couldn't imagine being with anyone else and you both don't want to be with anyone else.

Possibly, if you have had children together (I don't have experience with this).
-But you could consider a trial separation before going through with anything too drastic. At the same time, it might be selfish, but consider how you and your feelings would be affected, if you stayed together.

I conclude with this quote: 
"Not everyone is meant to be in your future. Some people are just passing through to teach you a lesson in life."

In which case, I have been schooled! 

Love,   
 

How To...

(Unexpectedly) Fall in Love and Stay There. 


1) Be in the right place

Of course, you have to be around to give someone the chance to fall in love with you! But where?
Well, life is all about choices and that's up to you my friend.
To an extent, you can choose where you can go and what you want to do. That's the easy part, but the rest of it? What's left, in my opinion, is the endless fate/coincidence conundrum. 

I romantically choose to believe that it must all be tied down to fateful coincidences, (I still can't make up my mind about this), particularly with those massive decisions that you have to make: like moving to a new location or a new job to take.
To me, there just has to be some great force out there- bringing you closer to that person you're meant to be with. Sure, that's just the first part, being in the right place, but once you've found that person that you've connected with...? Continue on.

1.5)  Timing/Patience

Probably as equally important as the first point there, the right timing. 
You're at the right place now and there's someone that you have an eye on, you have that familiar feeling again... But should you just run in and go for it? 
The answer:- "only fools rush in". 
So, no.
Take it easy mate.

Spend some time to get to know this potential love interest, date, be friends first, whichever way you're both comfortable with and long before you know it... 


2). The Next Step

I've deliberately left this a little ambiguous. Whatever the "Next Step" means for you, it may be different for somebody else, but it will involve getting to know this person better on a deeper level - emotionally/physically and through it, a chance to gain their trust and for you to develop the relationship.

Still all good?
Proceed.

3). Fall In Love.

There is no time limit on how soon you will fall in love. Perhaps a small portion of the time, you'll be inertly denying the fact that you're in love. See: "How To... Know If You Are Falling In Love". And after you come to terms with it and your love is reciprocated, then simply dwell in it and give love back.

4). Stay in Love 

Alas, the so-called "Honeymoon Period" has worn off, you now know all their flaws and perfections, you love them to the moon and back. But what now? 
This is something I'm aware of and working on for my own relationship too:  Trying not to take the other person for granted.
It's so easy to fall in love, but staying in love, keeping it at the peak- this is where I guess people stop trying. 

I suppose it's because it takes a lot of effort, for both parties to keep it up. Sometimes, other things in life will crop up and take your time, sometimes more fun propositions may come along. 
But at the end of the day, you have to decide: What or, rather, who is important to you? 
Be honest with yourself and each other.

4.5). Hitting a Hitch

OK, all couples fight. No denying that. But learn to fight in a constructive way if possible. Try not to throw hurtful words at each other in the aim of scoring points, bringing back past subjects and fighting dirty/physically.
Come on mate.
It doesn't help.

Take deep breaths and try not to raise your voice. Try and be logical and reasonable and explaining why you feel that way and offer resolutions. 

I recently heard some advice: "when fighting, act as if you are being recorded as this might stop you from saying unnecessary hurtful things." After all, you can't take it back afterwards...

In the same vein, apologise when you're wrong. Love has no pride.

5). Happily Ever After...? 

I realise that I've been sounding rather 'preachy' throughout this post. Not that I can talk, judging on my relationship pasts, but these are things I've picked up along the way that I'd like to share with my faithful followers...(Yes. Those who are given a dubious link to my blog post and a threatening message). 
But what I can honestly say, is this: Go with your gut instincts and be brave and honest about your feelings. Don't regret.

I recently watched "Perks of Being A Wallflower" and there's this quote:
"We accept the love we think we deserve" - Steven Chbosky.

And let me tell you this: we all deserve love that makes us feel, *ahem* loved, happy and secure. You might not feel like you're there yet, or that it hasn't happened to you at all. But please, never give up hope and never compare your life to someone else's.
One day, it will just happen and when you very least, expect it.

Love,

Memories

"At first you were a dream, then a reality, now you're just a memory."

I was talking briefly with Mr. Sexy about the "ex-files" and the presents that you've received from past relationships and where they end up. What is one to do with them?

I'm a sentimental person, I keep a diary, photographs and even receipts of some events so, naturally I will keep gifts/cards and etc... And I have to admit, I've accumulated some pretty nice things over the years which are still useful to me. Mr Sexy, on the other hand, said that overall, the bad outweighed the good and there's no need to keep them.

I suddenly felt defensive, it's not like I keep them because I miss those people and still harbour feelings for them. It's just good stuff. Maybe it just made me look like a super materialistic and superficial person, but I know that my relationships weren't all bad. But... If any of my relationships had ended badly, I'd most likely throw away/burn/use them as ammunition, depending on how I felt at the time. 

All the events (both romantic and non romantic) that have happened to me so far has shaped me into the person that I am today, and I'm pretty content with my life and how it's turning out. I would still keep my pretty possessions and reminisce, but I know it's all in the past for a reason. I'm not the type to try and revive a broken relationship or even keep in touch with those people.

"The best thing about memories... Is making them".

Love,

...

Oh, and who is Mr. Sexy? Well, I'll start by saying that he's tall, not that dark, handsome and plays the guitar. 

Need I say more?

Warning!

The Dangers of Dating

Whenever I think of "love", I just always imagine the sweet and romantic notions that come with it. Rarely do I think about it realistically, but then I'll remember all the pain and torment that's also part of the package.

Without further ado, a list:

Dressing to Impress

...Can be pretty hazardous. You want to dazzle your date and show yourself off at your very best, but to what extent? High waisted skirts to accentuate a tiny waist.... High heels to elongate your legs... 

But the anxiety and sickness that comes with it?

Think carefully-  especially when one is not used to walking in high heels. 

Social Media

Staring at your phone/laptop for a message and then finally! When you do receive a message, the palpitations and the rush of joy, followed by the emotions of dread as you try to pick your brains to come up with an awesome, witty reply... (which isn't that hard for me). 

And that's just from one txt. 

... Pathetic much?

Also, beware of Facebook stalking. 

Input/Output

Are you both putting effort into it? They say that "easy come, easy go" so, do you both want it to work or are you just going to "go with the flow"? 

Confidentiality 

Who do you tell about this new "relationship"? Is it time to change your Facebook status? To bring them home to meet the parents? Introduce to friends?

Or just keep them in the dark?

Definition

Too many titles nowadays to choose from- 

Cross out if not applicable:

[Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Love Of My Life/Friends With Benefits/Rebound/Crush/Booty Call/Friend zone]

Risk Analysis

You're inviting somebody into your life, leaving your heart unguarded and exposed... Question is, are they worth it?

But even after all the dangers, I still think that love is definitely a reward. I'm looking forward to it-  bypassing the perils just to bask in the safety of love.

Love,

How To...

Deal with Cheese-y One Liners

"Do you have a map? 'Cause I'm getting lost in your eyes." 

"Excuse me, but I think I dropped something... My JAW."

"Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?"

...

What are they thinking? Is it meant to impress you? Do you laugh it off? ...Or scoff? 

Fear not, I have the perfect tactics. 

Method One: Cheese vs Cheese

Like they say, fight fire with fire. Same goes for cheese... Kinda.

Line: "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

- "Yes it did, but I'd fall again if it meant meeting you".

Method Two: Cheese vs Sleaze

Let's just get straight to the point, you know what they're getting at.

Line: "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

- "So, so  much. Will you massage me?" *indicate to chosen place(s)* [use with caution]. 

Method Three: Cheese vs Freeze

Put an end to it. 

Line: "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

- "I'm in Hell, aren't I?"

All joking aside, look for the deeper meaning behind the [deeply unoriginal] lines. They're just trying to get to know you, be flattered! And play nice! 

Love,

Playing Games [with affairs of the heart].

Whether someone is doing it consciously, or subconsciously, I hate it. 

Y'all know what I'm talking about here, I bet we've all played games like:

'The Waiting Game', 'The Three Day Rule' and 'The Pursuit of Jealousy©' [*strongly recommended for two-players only*.]

I don't know whether it's just me over-thinking and analysing every little move, maybe they're not playing games at all and it's in my head. But I personally just prefer to be direct about my intentions, no messing around (I've actually been told that I have no subtlety). 

Although I can understand why we may resort to them, for whatever reasons: not wanting to look desperate and trying to appear cool(er) (definitely in my case). I guess the greatest risk is that someone could get hurt, hence all the motives. You may be secretly hoping that they fail the first round, to save your own feelings, but yet get disappointed if they do...

So, in the love game, when the stakes are high and your heart is on the line, will you fold, or go all in?

Love,

Timing

"Love is all a matter of timing. It's no good meeting the right person too soon or too late. If I'd live in another time or place... My story might have had a very different ending." -2046

Have you ever met any one, that under all the right circumstances, they'd be the one for you...? 

Or is timing just an excuse? 

To an extent, I think that if there was potentially something special you could share together, then you'd do everything you could about it and make it happen.

Alternatively, you could also meet someone wrong at the right time...

Does timing count?

Love,

An *Unlikely* Love Story...

"Where do I begin 
To tell the story of how great a love can be 
The sweet love story that is older than the sea 
The simple truth about the love she brings to me 
Where do I start."

Andy Williams - "Where Do I Begin (Love Story)."

Where indeed.
Where do you meet the person who could become the love of your life?
It would be a complete stranger I'd keep seeing again and again until one day, conversation sparkled... We'd get to know each other more and more... Until we'd fall in love. I always imagined that it would be as if fate were pushing you both together.
But where?

For me, the most romantic place to meet someone is:

On the Train

Meeting someone on the way to work and falling in love, surely breaks the dreary routine - because it's something you wouldn't expect.

Except that I always expected it! Or at least, willed it to happen...

It never did.

At the Library

Imagine this: I'd be intensely stuck into one of my romantic books and as my eyes lift from the book I'm reading, I catch the gaze of a fellow book reader nearby, who appears equally engrossed in his book. We'd smile briefly, return back to reading, occasionally glancing at each other... Until one of us musters the courage to speak to each other, saying something totally charming and adorable of course.

I used to go to the library in the City a lot during my first year at University. Now it's getting re-constructed so cue end of dream for me! My dreams then transferred to the University library... Unfortunately, I never did fall in love with anyone hanging around the Nursing section of the library!

In School/University

I'm not going to lie. This didn't happen - not even a LITTLE bit! I went to an all girl Catholic secondary school and sixth form, followed by a nursing degree at University. I bade goodbye to my dreams of meeting my boyfriend before class, to pass notes together during lectures., to have someone to carry my books to and fro...

Nothing!!

And I swear, I'm not bitter, but it leaves me wondering...
Where?!

Cheating.

This one line from the movie 'Closer' pretty much sums it up for me:

"There's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give in to this, or I can resist it." And I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one."

Is it worth it throw your relationship away?

I was also reading this blog on cheating: *click here* and the summary kinda goes like this: not cheating is a whole lot easier than cheating! With cheating, comes all the guilt, lying and sneaking around. Save yourself the hassle and do the honourable thing before hooking up with another person.

To sum up this post, you will most likely meet many people along your path of life, some you will get on with much better than others. Look out for that moment, there will probably come a time that you may get tempted...

Just try to make the right decision and do the right thing if you want to embark on another adventure with somebody else... 

Disclaimer: Not trying to sound lecture-y or patronising. Just stating my opinions. 

How To...

Deal with Jealousy

I can't deny it, I must admit that I'm a pretty jealous person.

It doesn't help anything!!

I hate being jealous, I can't stand feeling this way.

So how do you fight jealousy? (I google things.)

I read a post I thought was pretty useful, let me share:

1. If your boyfriend (or girlfriend) is going to cheat on you, then s/he is going to cheat on you, and there will be nothing you can do, short of locking him or her in an inescapable cell; likewise, if your boyfriend (or girlfriend) is not someone who would cheat on you, then he or she is not going to cheat on you. The decision to cheat is his/her own to make, and you ultimately have no control over his or her actions.

2. Therefore, all you can do is be best person you can be, and when in doubt, remind yourself that s/he has chosen to be with you for a reason. Jealousy will only weaken those reasons. If s/he wasn’t going to cheat on you in the first place, jealousy’s only going push him or her away, and if he or she was going to cheat on you, jealousy’s only going to hasten the process and lessen his or her sense of personal responsibility.

It helped a little.

But I still need to work on this. I guess you just have to accept that you can't really control what happens, you just have to let go and trust... Which is easier said than done.

But if it's not meant to be, then so be it.

Credits: http://www.lovelyish.com/736555381/the-thought-that-cured-me-of-jealousy-forever/

Stages in a Relationship

I was watching a video by WongFu Productions, watch the trailer here: Strangers, Again.

The video is about a couple who are at the end of their relationship, the guy (Josh) looks back over their time together and identifies each stage of the relationship they shift into.

The stages are as follows:

Stage One: Meeting

Starting off as strangers.

Stage Two: The Chase

Getting to know each other.

Stage Three: The Honeymoon

Always wanting to be with each other...

Stage Four: Comfortable

Truely being yourself with your partner, but at this stage, you can either:

* Continue to work at your relationship and grow it together
* Allow it to create distance.

Stage Five: Tolerance

Starting to see the other person differently (badly) and arguing. The relationship "isn't bad, but it isn't good".

Stage Six: Downhill

When trying to make things work out , don't.

Stage Seven: Breaking Up

The end of the line and you go back to where you start - as strangers.


I've only heard of a "honeymoon" period in a relationship but as I was talking to with Mr A. one time - I would try hard not to let that "stage" end. I guess when you don't really make time for each other or even cherish each other as you once used to... Things can start going downhill.

So, look after each other and try not to take each other for granted!!

Love,